When I was a teen, it was always like there was a big cloud over my life. I think I was mildly depressed in highschool, and I always felt grumpy.. but mostly just numb. I would actually throw my body to the ground in order to feel something, but I was even numb to pain. I hated those days of emptiness. After age 20, things reversed. That big cloud has been exchanged for sun. It's like anything is possible now and I can see there is a future that is potentially exciting and worth living.
However, instead of the big grey cloud covering the whole earth, there are little zippy black clouds that hang right over my head. I know they're temporary and I'd much rather feel the intense emotion they cause than the highschool numbness; however, they're annoying and bothersome nonetheless.
One of them is my dog - she's almost 16, getting old, and the living being I care most about in the world. I guess it's because she loves me unconditionally and she has no concept of being mean. When I go home my parents always remark how she knows I'm in the house because she acts totally different.. whining and prancing for attention (well as much as her old bones allow). Anyway, she's lost control of her bladder and sleeps in pee sometimes. Last night I cried for 3 hrs just thinking about her. To be honest I've cried a lot over the past few years, at night when I can't sleep.. 'advance grieving' I suppose, so that I don't have to grieve as much after she dies (YEAH right.. I'm going to be a COMPLETE AND UTTER BASKET CASE when that time comes). I can't even comprehend why this upsets me so much. Well I guess I sort of can.. she's been with me since I was a kid. She was the teddy bear I hugged and told all my problems to in grade 6 when I moved to a new school and had no friends. I was the only person who could comfort her when she had to ride the big scary plane over to BC. We're both scaredy cats. She's still a puppy inside. She's like my kid. Kids shouldn't die before parents. I will write more later about Lady. Maybe every day.
The other one is my car. I thought I sold it, but the guy was very greedy and impatient and didn't even fill out his half of the icbc sellers form. I let him take it for a price much lower than what I originally asked for, and due to an oversight (lack of research) on his part, he called me back later wanting a refund. At first I said okay. Then, after advice from family and friends (brother, BF, and BF's friend all said 'tell him to go fuck himself' and that he had 'nothing on me legally'), I said no. Then he got extremely angry and threatened to call the police / sue me / get me a criminal record, etc. He's a big persian guy too and I had visions of the persian mafia shooting my house. Believe me, I had the most fitful, stressful sleep the other night. I don't handle stress like that very well, and basically just hibernated under the blankets all day and night. Despite that, I had the balls to tell him to 'go ahead' and call the police if he wanted, and hang up on him. Well he didn't, and a few days later we've come to an agreement to refund the car, and I keep $100. The exchange happens tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but it will be in a public place, so I don't think he'll pull any stunts. Wish me luck. And wish me luck with selling the car in the future, because this car sure seems to stick to me like glue.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment