10 Chat Commandments

So the last post was one of those 'What I did today' types of entries. Therefore, this one will be more of a 'reflection on life, sticking to a single topic' entries that I prefer reading in blogs, but find hard to blog myself.

RELATING TO PEOPLE. It seems that in the past month or so, I've suddenly eureka'd regarding how to better interact with people. I never stop learning about how to interact with people throughout my whole life. People are so incredibly complex in their body language, spoken language, ESP and what have you, that I think you could never learn everything there is to learn about interacting perfectly.

As I am an INFJ introvert type, any truthisms I can lay my hands on, help. Here is my list of this month's revelations:

1. Look people straight in the eye, and hold their gaze. Make them look away sometimes too, rather than vice versa. I read about this recently and mulled over it the past few days. You really stay in tune with both the conversation content and people's body language when you look them straight in the eye. Plus it increases their self esteem and makes them think you're confident too.

2. Don't focus on grammar and style. Focus on content, and the desire to convey important information. Too often in the past I'd get all tripped up over my words because I cared too much about whether I used singular or plural tense. In the end, I notice that even seasoned public speakers don't care if they mess up their grammar here in there. Didn't they teach us in psych class that verbal communication is 90% body language and tone of voice, and 10% what you actually say? So don't focus on adding emotion at all the right times either.. if you're passionate about what you say, then you'll naturally be emotional at the appropriate times.

3. BE EMOTIONAL! It may be tempting to be efficient and speak like a robot, but people who let their emotion show through their words hold listeners' interest longer. People appreciate quirkiness.

4. Listen to EVERY bit of what someone else says, no matter how distracting the environment. You can always revisit whatever catches your attention in the environment. But you can't say "Oh can you repeat what you were saying two minutes ago?" when a person is already deep into their lecture on quantum physics or globalization. Conversation will flow much better if you absorb EVERYTHING and...

5. Respond immediately with your first impression. Don't guard your responses because you think you will offend. Or rather do, but respond quickly but with intuition. If a few moments go by without an honest response, people with feel dejected because their opinions were not validified, and convo will cease.

6. Of course, know your audience, but if it's appropriate, don't be afraid to discuss non-politically correct stuff. People do value honest gritty convo.. it's a good societal release we all need.

7. When you're talking to people, especially if it's a formal interaction, or where you are approaching an authority figure and/or need something from them, always speak with a slight smile on your face. Not a cheesy fake grin; rather, a slight smirk combined with the facial muscles all pulled back, and wide eyes. This is a pretty amazing discovery to me.. but I find that, even if I'm talking about something very serious, if I keep that slightly playful smile on my face, people will not take the conversation seriously at all or be offended. This worked recently at the Dr's, who I knew beforehand has a rather opinionated attitude, when I wanted a prescription and she wouldn't give me it. I didn't get the prescription, but I know she liked me, I made a joke and she remembered my name at the end, so I'd still call it a success. Much better than the other time I saw her, when I was 'just another serious patient' to her and she was 'just a grumpy old know it all doctor' to me.

8. Approach people to chat and ask them to go out! To often in the past, I've just let people call me or approach me. Call it 'being rejected in grade 6' syndrome. But I've found that people perk up and really appreciate it when you walk by their desk just to say hi, or call them up to do something specific to their interests. I still need to work on that; often its so tempting just to let others do all the work.

9. Be entertaining; tell all your interesting stories and experiences. Don't bottle them up.. what are you saving them for anyway? People LOVE to be entertained even more than like entertaining, even the ones who seem to do the talking 90% of the time. You will thus increase your value in their eyes, and second, you'll feel great having an audience to ooh and ahh.

10. Ok so I'm forcing myself to think of 10 things so that I can round off this list at an even number, and make the title sort of a 'Notorious B.I.G.' pun. So.. Maintain a balance of humility and confidence. Nobody likes someone who puts themselves down all the time, nor do they like someone who accepts all compliments with an "I know. I'm great." Striking the balance is an art.

Some of these rules are more obvious than others, some I find completely fascinating, because, well, humans are just so persnickity and complex. Most of the time, I wish I could just interact with dogs. Sniff noses, sniff butts, lick, wag tail, easy. Or maybe even men. Punch fists, burp, laugh, joke, state the obvious. But human beings, their communication is an art that you are either in the mood for, or TOTALLY aren't.